my writers block creates wine stains

she, frustrated, focused on names in a list," who of you hold memories? who of you did i not erase in a bitter plea of freedom and security?"
now, not one can be found. now, loneliness and self pride sets in. all that she once depended on retrieves to show its face. circumstance and coincidence all in one.
after all these years even letters are  becoming more real. it's not a fifth grade strive for perfection, admiration, and acknowledgement. no longer it's a need for being noticed.
no longer it is a bathtub catching tears as a mother screams out of an involvement of hatred towards the paper-system.
no longer is it the torn down curtains in a distant recollection or a broken window or even a good-wolf, bad-wolf situation. no one is hiding outside opposite windows. no one is waiting to kill or to save.
it is you, alone, fighting.
it is years of fighting sexual, physical, emotional, pschological abuse. it is years of religious brainwashing political philosophy and perspective, environmental predictions being laid to waste.
it is you. it is you. it is me.
vinyl your parents never introduced you to.
drugs they warned you about.
sex they protected you from.
it is you. it is you. IT IS ME.

Currently Talking Through Tin Cans By The Morning Benders see related

four hour old wine

where you going? where you walking?
they inquisitively surmised
you stow aways? or run aways?
for you give peace to our eyes
we don't do meth
we keep it off the streets
charli had the mind to ask
why don't you have those on your feet?
for shoes confine and restrict
the blood from my toes
and only one that sleeps naked
has the understanding for how they feel in clothes
gazelle like attributes
and a perception-deceiving look
corey gave us a laugh
and a hand we both shook
communism! socialism! learn how to sing! hair bazaar
healing arts and healthy thoughts
found us at a coffee bar
val spoke of his wisdom that he had found
in world religions and 19 literature volumes
in the room he kept downtown
we had talks of confirmation
and rejoiced in the acts of admiration
for all the life and love we found growing spontaneous
all captured within a 2 mile radius

i drop everything anyone ever hands me.
so take caution when trusting me with your possessions.
my intentions are good but i have a couple chords either loose or missing between my hands and my brains.
AND i'm getting better at spelling and it shocks me because my results may be due to technology (bight on knuckles). i would like to thank T9 and spell check. how i found out is simply, i will type things out expecting them to be spelled wrong, go to spell check it, and come to find that hey, i didn't do all that bad.

Currently Seven Swans By Sufjan Stevens listen to the whole thing! see related

feeling sentimental
maybe just stoned
need to disconnect
rest
for my own good
need to take a step back
slow
for my progression

life is beautiful
i wish everyone's eyes could be opened to this
knowing it is all ok
and being lonely is not a bad thing
there is so much to learn
so much do so
and so many things to love
but it doesn't seem that simple every hour of the day

 an update on chilling out: i have slept more this past week than i have in probably a whole month put together. i hear sleep is good for me or something? i don't know, at least that's what certain people have suggested. i don't like getting a lot of sleep though i figured out, as it is 4am, because i have a weird relationship with it. i almost like it too much. and it makes me feel/act/think weird. but it did keep me from getting sick, and use my head a little bit more. but eh, don't sweat the small stuff.